.

A barbershop of liquid gas and pulling it tightly beyond the glass. I stood there naked against the sliding door. Head swinging and smoke aloof. I had three E pills in my hand and I was ready to scream. Nobody would let me in, because there was no one inside. We all stood outside jumping and laughing hysterically at our shiny white teeth and the cigarette in my right hand. It was so disjointed. The Christmas lights that light up in the summer. The sand under our feet and the glass sliding door. The glass, the reflection, the glass, the reflection, the glass, the reflection. Groggy, groggy, groggy, groggy, groggy… I was pushed up against the glass.

I SLEEP NAKED

Feed my head. Playlists. The Connoisseurs of Porn. Neil Aran. Claim.

I EAT GLASS

Sometimes I just don’t move

But even when I am not moving my brain is racing 150 km an hour.  Down the road there is a man, my hero, my enemy, my teammate.  As much as I want to be alone and independent, and as much as I want to stab him in the chest, I sometimes tip over and kiss him on the lips.  I take medication because I am crazy.  Most people do things to cheer themselves up when they’re unhappy.  I just sleep.  I take those drugs, and I sleep - forever.

— 1 month ago
It’s been a year now

You had an impact on my life - a negative one.  Did I almost love you? 

— 2 months ago with 2 notes

I dated my first boyfriend when I was 16.  He was one of those good looking types.  A bit shorter than me, but that was alright.  I met him through my best friend.  For a while, I didn’t talk to my best friend because he was a guy and I had liked him before I met my boyfriend.  My best friend was unnerved by the entire situation.  And then one day I gave up, went online and dumped my boyfriend.  I went back to that tremulous relationship with my best friend, where I could never tell him that I had the feels for him, and I could never act on it without ruining what was us.  

— 2 months ago with 1 note
Dear Mr.

You are my punching bag.  Looking back this year, I would tell you about my crushes and my problems with weird men.  You were there the entire time, and you kept me warm at night.  When you’re angry or when you’re out to annoy me, you get me all worked up.  Then when it’s time to sleep you open up your arms and I lay my head on your chest.  What a funny thing love is when you can be completely honest about your feelings about the man you love, and the others you like.

— 10 months ago
You know none of these things ever happened, right?

I’m just some washed up, frail, ugly, girl - who thinks too much.  Now you wonder how you got sucked into this abyss.

— 12 months ago
I really dislike you

BUT WHY DO I LOVE TALKING TO YOU?

You are a fool.

— 1 year ago
Look where you are now

The hardest thing for you to do is fight for her.  But it’s hard to fight for someone who is helpless and incapable of taking care of herself.   She is broken and you do not know how to fix her.  How far does love extend?  How much will you give up of yourself just for her?  You sleep alone at night thinking of when things were good - when you held her in your arms.  And now you’re raw, naked, and staying up at night talking to me because I’m your escape from everything.

— 1 year ago with 4 notes
Friends For-never?

I asked you why you weren’t talking to me and you said it was because you didn’t like what we were talking about.  You didn’t like how intense we were.  Yet at the same time, you asked me to tell you all these things.  So instead of acting like a coward who walks away.  Maybe you can say to my face what you actually want from me.  Say anything - I want to here you say “fuck off” before I do.

— 1 year ago
fucking and punching

This was a sad story, you and me.  It’s still so fresh in my head - talking to you every waking moment.  I really did like you, a lot in fact.  But it was something that we really could not reciprocate.  I was so enamoured by you.  I used to love when you would turn on your phone at the bar and say “go to sleep” to me.   I am glad that we are friends now and that we can talk normally.  Those days when we fought and you seemed jealous of other people are past us.  And I know you’ll never admit that you ever liked me that way, but when you call me honey I know you did.

— 1 year ago with 3 notes

How to make friends in five minutes at the bar

Me:So now that I have your number do you want to come over and watch hockey or something?
Him:I hate hockey.
Me:Well...
Him:I like baseball if that counts.
Me:Do you play video games? Counterstrike?
Him:No I don't play video games.
Me:Okay, that works. Do you like beer?
Him:Yeah.
Me:Okay, I'll text you tomorrow.
— 1 year ago with 1 note
Last week I found a gem

I found someone really special on the internet.  Someone I don’t laugh at, someone I that makes me feel like I am in good company.  And remember when I said earlier that I always manage to fuck things up?  I say all the wrong things, and this time I managed to save us.

— 1 year ago with 1 note
Such is life

It’s hard being beautiful, I know.  You have nice eyes and soft perfect skin.  It’s hard to deal with people’s obsession with you, and you’re always wondering how you can meet their demands.  She loved you more than you could ever give and it hurt you to let her go.  She made you feel guilty, she felt used, but don’t you feel used to?  She is beautiful as well, she has the world at her feet, and all she ever did was scream at you.  Her lack of confidence was her blunder, and she plighted you.  I know I’m just your friend and I won’t truly understand how you are feeling.  I can’t make much of my own feelings myself.  But last night you cried on my floor and I gave you my pillow and my blanket.  The most I could do was hold you and cry too.  There’s nothing like holding your best friend in the palm of your hand.  And I guess that’s what friends do.  They don’t say much, but they are here for you.  I just hope the next girl you meet isn’t as bat shit crazy as she was.  You deserve someone much better rounded - Who isn’t going to complicate your life as much as it already is.  You took my pillow home last night because of the cute monkeys on it.  You said you would sleep better with it.  I slept without one last night for you.  

You don’t make friends with salad, but if you add bacon to it, it’s much better.

— 1 year ago
I’m sorry I’m distant, but this is real

I’ve nothing but nice to you.  All I want is for you to be happy.  Everyone thinks that you love me more than I do you.  We won’t really know will we?   But at least I can assure you that you’re the only one I’ve ever truly cared for unconditionally.  I’m only with you because I love you.  I don’t have to be, and you don’t have to be with me either.  We just are whatever we are because you’re lucky you found me.  But I just want you to be happy, and I want you to find it on your own way.  We can drive down this road together, but isn’t it also fun to have your own experiences as well?  Let’s share this project, but I can’t smother you as much as you can me.

— 1 year ago with 3 notes
Way to fuck me up mom

I think my twisted values come from my mother who told me never to marry and never have kids.  She said it was a burden she would never wish on anyone.  And she told me that if I ever did marry and have kids, I should get a divorce and take care of them myself.  She said that way you truly know what living on your own is like, and your children too.

— 1 year ago with 1 note
Don’t patronize me

Don’t tell me I am different from other girls just because I don’t like marriage.  I’m sure they all don’t either and they just think they do.  K?  Let’s finally understand human nature and really assess what humans do.  We’re all desperate for love.  We all want to feel special.  We all like to look at good looking people and imagine what it would be like to rub our genitals against good looking people.  If you think marriage makes you special, then that’s something you’re going to get over quick once you realize how stupidly staged your entire relationship was.  This is just a realization that I have come to grips with earlier than everyone else.  This doesn’t make me different.  It makes me normal – Now let’s have sex, watch hockey, and laugh at people on the Internet.  

— 1 year ago with 3 notes
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