I’m just some washed up, frail, ugly, girl - who thinks too much.  Now you wonder how you got sucked into this abyss.

BUT WHY DO I LOVE TALKING TO YOU?

You are a fool.

The hardest thing for you to do is fight for her.  But it’s hard to fight for someone who is helpless and incapable of taking care of herself.   She is broken and you do not know how to fix her.  How far does love extend?  How much will you give up of yourself just for her?  You sleep alone at night thinking of when things were good - when you held her in your arms.  And now you’re raw, naked, and staying up at night talking to me because I’m your escape from everything.

I asked you why you weren’t talking to me and you said it was because you didn’t like what we were talking about.  You didn’t like how intense we were.  Yet at the same time, you asked me to tell you all these things.  So instead of acting like a coward who walks away.  Maybe you can say to my face what you actually want from me.  Say anything - I want to here you say “fuck off” before I do.

This was a sad story, you and me.  It’s still so fresh in my head - talking to you every waking moment.  I really did like you, a lot in fact.  But it was something that we really could not reciprocate.  I was so enamoured by you.  I used to love when you would turn on your phone at the bar and say “go to sleep” to me.   I am glad that we are friends now and that we can talk normally.  Those days when we fought and you seemed jealous of other people are past us.  And I know you’ll never admit that you ever liked me that way, but when you call me honey I know you did.

I found someone really special on the internet.  Someone I don’t laugh at, someone I that makes me feel like I am in good company.  And remember when I said earlier that I always manage to fuck things up?  I say all the wrong things, and this time I managed to save us.

It’s hard being beautiful, I know.  You have nice eyes and soft perfect skin.  It’s hard to deal with people’s obsession with you, and you’re always wondering how you can meet their demands.  She loved you more than you could ever give and it hurt you to let her go.  She made you feel guilty, she felt used, but don’t you feel used to?  She is beautiful as well, she has the world at her feet, and all she ever did was scream at you.  Her lack of confidence was her blunder, and she plighted you.  I know I’m just your friend and I won’t truly understand how you are feeling.  I can’t make much of my own feelings myself.  But last night you cried on my floor and I gave you my pillow and my blanket.  The most I could do was hold you and cry too.  There’s nothing like holding your best friend in the palm of your hand.  And I guess that’s what friends do.  They don’t say much, but they are here for you.  I just hope the next girl you meet isn’t as bat shit crazy as she was.  You deserve someone much better rounded - Who isn’t going to complicate your life as much as it already is.  You took my pillow home last night because of the cute monkeys on it.  You said you would sleep better with it.  I slept without one last night for you.  

You don’t make friends with salad, but if you add bacon to it, it’s much better.

I’ve nothing but nice to you.  All I want is for you to be happy.  Everyone thinks that you love me more than I do you.  We won’t really know will we?   But at least I can assure you that you’re the only one I’ve ever truly cared for unconditionally.  I’m only with you because I love you.  I don’t have to be, and you don’t have to be with me either.  We just are whatever we are because you’re lucky you found me.  But I just want you to be happy, and I want you to find it on your own way.  We can drive down this road together, but isn’t it also fun to have your own experiences as well?  Let’s share this project, but I can’t smother you as much as you can me.

I think my twisted values come from my mother who told me never to marry and never have kids.  She said it was a burden she would never wish on anyone.  And she told me that if I ever did marry and have kids, I should get a divorce and take care of them myself.  She said that way you truly know what living on your own is like, and your children too.

Don’t tell me I am different from other girls just because I don’t like marriage.  I’m sure they all don’t either and they just think they do.  K?  Let’s finally understand human nature and really assess what humans do.  We’re all desperate for love.  We all want to feel special.  We all like to look at good looking people and imagine what it would be like to rub our genitals against good looking people.  If you think marriage makes you special, then that’s something you’re going to get over quick once you realize how stupidly staged your entire relationship was.  This is just a realization that I have come to grips with earlier than everyone else.  This doesn’t make me different.  It makes me normal – Now let’s have sex, watch hockey, and laugh at people on the Internet.  

I tell Mr. about you all the time, and to be honest, you drive me crazy.  The thought of ever liking you that way makes me laugh now.  Mr. says, just keep talking to him if he makes you happy, but once he pushes your buttons let him go.

I was honest with you wasn’t I?  You won’t believe me anyways.  But I do like you. Don’t underestimate yourself, and don’t underestimate me.

Went to bed drunk, woke up drunk.  Fuck.  I have a meeting with my boss.